(I had to break out the rhyming dictionary to make that title work. I also came up with: Lilliputian Resolution, Resolution Devolution, Resolution Persecution. Substitution Institution Execution. Prostitution. You’re welcome.)
Anyway! I did not make any New Year’s Resolutions this year, for several reasons. The first and most prominent being: I am lazy. But then I started thinking a little more deeply about it (and not at all to fabricate a justification for my laziness), and I realized it’s much more. Much more.
Not that much more. But it’s a little more.
First of all, as the person in the cubicle next to you said on January 2nd, I never keep my resolutions so what’s the point. Which is a ridiculous attitude, by the way: I have failed in the past, so why bother to try? And, actually, I sort of did keep my resolution last year.
“Sort of” being the operative term.
So, my resolution last year was to use my passport. I used to travel all the time, all over Europe (well, not all over, maybe just regular over), and last January I was feeling pressure with starting a new job and maybe a little trapped, and I was frustrated with my self-stalled writing, and, you know, travel. It’s fun. I used to be adventurous! Now I’m lucky if I even try a new recipe. So! Passport. Perfect.
And I did it! I used my passport. But I did it in such a way that was totally cheating. See, I did take a big adventure vacation – to Maine. I don’t know if all y’all know about the United States, but Maine is totally in it. No passport required. But! I had to renew my driver’s license, and I forgot to do it before it expired (oops), so I had to go to the DMV and prove my existence with several thousand gallons of documentation, including…my passport!
I should feel disappointed that I didn’t take a big international trip, but I am too busy being proud of myself for pulling a fast one. On myself.
There’s something very sad there. Let’s not get into it.
OK, so this year. This year, I just wasn’t feelin’ it. I feel like things are happening, they are good, and I have enough to do to keep on top of the current good things without forcing additional things on myself. Besides, I’m perfect!
But then I always feel a little guilt about that. I could stand to lose the ten pounds (no joke) I gained over the holidays. But, look, that will happen. (I shan’t mention the fact that my regular Saturday morning zumba class started twenty minutes ago. And I am still in my pajamas.) (I also shan’t mention the fact that on the way to the parking garage yesterday, a button popped off my jacket. Literally. I was walking along, and it up and popped right the hell off. That is not good for a girl’s self-esteem, I tell you what.)
I also have what can gently be called a contrary personality. If I am supposed to be doing something, I like to pretty much always do the opposite. For example, this morning I am supposed to be at zumba, but instead I am watching Geordie Shore. But then I always throw in a little something to justify it. So, today, I’m also blogging, which is something I have been putting off. And hasn’t it been worth the effort, gentle readers?
The point is, I’m tired of kidding myself with these bananas. My resolution for 2013 is just to do what I do, man. Just chill it out. And blog and work out and write a novel (a contractual obligation I am very grateful for) and maybe periodically shave my legs although probably not.
And then next year I will have something to be contrary about, and I’ll make all kinds of resolutions and be The Woman I Was Always Meant To Be.
OK, enough of this shit. Here’s a picture of my friends’ kitty, Floofy. He works out!
Happy New Year, kittens!