Friday Dog Blog Has a Change of Heart

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Something happened to me, on this 39th anniversary of my birth.

What?

What?

I looked around, and I thought, is this real life?

Is what real life?

Is what real life?

Have I been doing things wrong this whole time?

Doing what wrong?

Doing what wrong?

Have I been rooting for the wrong team?

What?

Quit it with the sports metaphors.

ARE CATS BETTER THAN DOGS??

Don't say it

Don’t say it

I can't

I can’t

Say What???

Say What???

JK APRIL FOOLS ETC DOGS RULE CATS DROOL HA HA HA AND THANK YOU TO TRIXIE AND MY SISTER FOR SENDING ME CAT PICS.

 


Friday Dog Blog is UNDER ATTACK

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Friends, there was a disturbing lack of canine hound-itude in my recent holiday sojourn to the homeland.  Instead, the people of my former family have all betrayed me by getting CATS.  I know.

I am allergic to cats, and also I prefer to be the laziest and most judgmental one in the room, so cats are just not my thang.

This did not stop my little brother’s cat from getting all up in my business as I watched a Law & Order: SVU marathon:

me and mozzarellaAnd for New Year’s, I went to the house of MY FAVE BRUNO, but the only picture I got was of this cat sleeping on Bananagrams:

cat and bananagramFun fact: This kitten used to live in a stockyard!  And now he is the World’s Most Photogenic Kitten.  But he still gives me asthma.

The holidays were not all an allergenic horror show, though.  I spent some excellent QT with the fam and friends, got some groovy presents, and ate a cannoli from a Real Italian Bakery.  And!  I saw my name at Barnes and Noble in NYC!

barnes 2A good time was had by all!  Despite the best efforts of feline interlopers.

Oh!  I found a picture of a dog!  Here is one leftover from the Christmas Parade:

parade10Four cute bitches!

Hope everyone’s holiday was merry and bright!


Random stuff for a Sunday

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My sister sent me a picture of her boyfriend’s dog laying on a blanket I made her, and here it is:

Her name is Angel and she is a slobber machine.

Her name is Angel and she is a slobber machine.

So when I asked her if it would be OK if I blogged the picture of Angel, she sent me this:

"Snaggle tooth" was auto-corrected to "Snuggle tooth," which is also appropriate.

“Snaggle tooth” was auto-corrected to “Snuggle tooth,” which is also appropriate.

Which is her cat, Missy, who is obese and an attention whore.

I don’t have anything else to add, really.  It’s just been a while since I blogged, what with sorting all of the pens and post-its and chapsticks left over from RT.  And the fact that nothing much is happening.

But have no fear, for something will be happening on Monday: The Bachelorette!!!  Katie Holmes will try to, finally, find love.  Is she really over her heartbreak, perpetrated by Brick Detective Sean?  Will her brother, Natie Holmes, show up to cock block the way to her heart?  Will Hurricane Tierrable sparkle all over everybody’s business, then fake a heart attack?

Yes.  Yes to all of it.

But that’s for Monday, or Tuesday, when the recap will be up.  Do you like how I said Tuesday when I really meant Wednesday or Thursday?  Or Friday?  Anyway, it will be up before episode 2.

To preemptively make up for my tardiness, I leave you with this:

 


Resolution Absolution

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(I had to break out the rhyming dictionary to make that title work.  I also came up with: Lilliputian Resolution, Resolution Devolution, Resolution Persecution.  Substitution Institution Execution.  Prostitution.  You’re welcome.)

Anyway!  I did not make any New Year’s Resolutions this year, for several reasons.  The first and most prominent being: I am lazy.  But then I started thinking a little more deeply about it (and not at all to fabricate a justification for my laziness), and I realized it’s much more.  Much more.

Not that much more.  But it’s a little more.

First of all, as the person in the cubicle next to you said on January 2nd, I never keep my resolutions so what’s the point.  Which is a ridiculous attitude, by the way: I have failed in the past, so why bother to try?  And, actually, I sort of did keep my resolution last year.

“Sort of” being the operative term.

So, my resolution last year was to use my passport.  I used to travel all the time, all over Europe (well, not all over, maybe just regular over), and last January I was feeling pressure with starting a new job and maybe a little trapped, and I was frustrated with my self-stalled writing, and, you know, travel.  It’s fun.  I used to be adventurous!  Now I’m lucky if I even try a new recipe.  So!  Passport.  Perfect.

And I did it!  I used my passport.  But I did it in such a way that was totally cheating.  See, I did take a big adventure vacation – to Maine.  I don’t know if all y’all know about the United States, but Maine is totally in it.  No passport required.  But!  I had to renew my driver’s license, and I forgot to do it before it expired (oops), so I had to go to the DMV and prove my existence with several thousand gallons of documentation, including…my passport!

I should feel disappointed that I didn’t take a big international trip, but I am too busy being proud of myself for pulling a fast one.  On myself.

There’s something very sad there.  Let’s not get into it.

OK, so this year.  This year, I just wasn’t feelin’ it.  I feel like things are happening, they are good, and I have enough to do to keep on top of the current good things without forcing additional things on myself.  Besides, I’m perfect!

But then I always feel a little guilt about that.  I could stand to lose the ten pounds (no joke) I gained over the holidays.  But, look, that will happen.  (I shan’t mention the fact that my regular Saturday morning zumba class started twenty minutes ago.  And I am still in my pajamas.)  (I also shan’t mention the fact that on the way to the parking garage yesterday, a button popped off my jacket.  Literally.  I was walking along, and it up and popped right the hell off.  That is not good for a girl’s self-esteem, I tell you what.)

I also have what can gently be called a contrary personality.  If I am supposed to be doing something, I like to pretty much always do the opposite.  For example, this morning I am supposed to be at zumba, but instead I am watching Geordie Shore.  But then I always throw in a little something to justify it.  So, today, I’m also blogging, which is something I have been putting off.  And hasn’t it been worth the effort, gentle readers?

The point is, I’m tired of kidding myself with these bananas.  My resolution for 2013 is just to do what I do, man.  Just chill it out.  And blog and work out and write a novel (a contractual obligation I am very grateful for) and maybe periodically shave my legs although probably not.

And then next year I will have something to be contrary about, and I’ll make all kinds of resolutions and be The Woman I Was Always Meant To Be.

OK, enough of this shit.  Here’s a picture of my friends’ kitty, Floofy.  He works out!

He's Floofy and he knows it.Happy New Year, kittens!